Monday, October 12, 2009
Out of the Darkness
Finley said something to me the other day that really struck a nerve. She and Arlington were playing a game, and Arlington turned out the lights.
Then left her alone and ran.
Now, in Arlington's defense - she was playing a game that she thought Finley would like. A version of hide and seek. Arlington loves to play games in the dark - with flashlights or not. It is a thrill seeking moment. Not to be able to see, but know the lights will eventually come back on.
But Finley, she didn't like this game. With her vision problems, she doesn't see at all in the dark. Her eyes don't seem to adjust to the darkness giving her some sense of where she is.
And she gets upset.
I go and rescue her, and she says to me, "I don't like not being able to see. I don't like being in the dark".
Finley has always hated the dark. She falls asleep with a light on. She won't go into rooms without turning the light on first. She will play games with her brother and sister - but usually it is with flashlights and with "safety in numbers".
This is really punishing to the soul. I can't fix this problem for her that might be coming. Finley may be facing a lifetime of darkness - the place where she is truly afraid.
And I can't do anything about it.
We will never be able to accept that she may lose her sight completely. Not really. Accepting of her? Always. Accepting that there is nothing that can be done to save her sight? NEVER.
We will always do what we can to bring her out of the darkness, whether she has true sight or not.