What Makes Us Special, Makes Us Strong

This week, I went to Cainan's conference at his preschool. Yes, Finley and Cainan's preschool have conferences. Every 6 months. And we get weekly updates and pictures about curriculum goals. It is Nursery University. Without a pool.

Anyway, the conference went very well. He has a portfolio with goals for Kindergarten.

As often as needed, the teachers observe him and add to his portfolio their observations, art work, goals, etc.

It is a really cool book. They look at 6 areas. Initiative, social relations, creative representation, music and movement, language and literacy, and logic and mathematics. Each area has a section.

And each section has observations and pictures of him and also art work. Mat says this is "so Pfizer".

They also did Goals to Accomplish for Kindergarten.

It will be worked on over the next year as well, of course. But it gives the teacher what they need to work on - what is expected by the time they go to Kindergarten.

Believe it or not, Cainan is doing well in almost all the areas. He is still mastering skills, of course, but knows colors, shapes (except octagon. Seriously.), recognizes 26/26 letters (although now he knows all), recognizes numbers up to 10 (all but nine) , and can count to 20. He knows how a book works and can write his name, recognize his name, etc. I was surprised on how ready he already is for Kindergarten. Finley must be ready for first grade! Ha.

Anyway, the biggest area of growth for Cainan - where he REALLY needs work? What is your guess? Was is social/emotional? If that was your guess - you would be right. His teacher sees the exact same behaviors we see at home. He shuts down when he is upset, or told to do something he doesn't want to do. They call him "frustrating" in this area. No duh. It is BEYOND aggrevating. He completely closes himself off turning into a "rock" like I like to say. But they are developing some strategies to get him to come out of his "trance". They tell him they are going to count to 5 and then he has two choices. He can either move to where he needs to be, or they will make the choice for him. They say 9/10 times, by the time they get to 5, he has moved on. When he cries - they have a terrible time finding out what happened. He won't talk. At. All. But it is getting better. They have been constant about working with him on this and teaching him to speak up for himself with peers and adults. They are encouraging him to work things out with peers without adult help.

I am beyond impressed with this school. It is work every cent. I wanted to hug that teacher. For the first time, I had someone in front of me that got it. She SAW it. She sees what is so frustrating. That when something gets challenging for Cainan, he just shuts down.

For the most part, Cainan is a happy, agreeable boy, that does what he is told. He is much better than he was when he first started this school. He is engaging in imaginative play with the other boys. And it is appropriate. The teacher said that most boys at this age won't really play imaginatively by themselves - that they need another year. Girls develop that skill faster. So that made me feel a bit better. I told her how he likes to sit and look out the window in he car on long trips and not really play for hours straight. She said her 3 year old son does the same thing. He doesn't need entertainment. She said Cainan is probably just interested in other things - that what is going on outside is more exciting than his toys. I am not sure that this still doesn't worry me, but I am a little less worried than before.

The teacher doesn't see him as lazy. (We don't either but sometimes he can come off that way). She truly thinks that he THINKS he cannot do things, so he won't. Like cut with scissors. I did tell her I haven't done that at home yet because Finley cut a hole in her shirt. She thought that was funny! But then wanted us to work on it. He refuses to cut at school. He doesn't get mad, he just says he doesn't care if his picture is cut out.

She said he really likes art and is very creative. She said that he is starting to engage in cooperative play. He plays well with other kids - they play together - have a conversation. AND he is starting to initiate the play - ask others to play a game, and then be the leader of the group. That is REALLY new. He won't do that at home. He is totally dominated at home. Big surprise!

He has a really great friend at school that seems to understand Cainan's easy frustration. The teacher said they are a good match - the little boy is very in tune to Cainan's feelings and tries really hard to make him feel good. I wish that little guy lived in our town and would go to Kindergarten with him!

One thing made Mat and I both really laugh. I asked the teacher if it was normal that he cannot draw a picture of a person without a lot of guidance. She said "oh yes - that is totally normal. Don't even worry about that! Next year we will take a group of boys and sit down with them and say 'okay boys let's touch our own face and see what we need to draw'"

I think it is funny that she has to have a special session with boys and people drawing. She said they are pretty clueless. See - the being clueless starts early.

So it was a great meeting. Overall - Cainan is where he needs to be. If we can get him past this bump with social emotional and get him to quit shutting down when he is upset or "wronged" then I think things will start to click faster with him. We need him to be more confident with challenging things, and he will decrease that behavior. He still does not trust that he won't be in trouble if he gets the answer wrong. He still looks to us for assurance that he is giving the answer we want.

So......this summer he will start classes with Kumon. If you don't know what that is - it is an enrichment program for reading and math that we think will help him be more confident going into Kindergarten. We are going to give him a great educational base to get him more confident so that he isn't super overwhelmed when he starts school. We are going to also meet with the school psychologist at our elementary school (on her suggestion) so she can give him some strategies to deal with his "anxiety" in these social situations. That way, when he goes into Kindergarten, he has what he needs in place to make the "shutting down when challenged" part less painful for him and his teachers.

Cainan is a special little boy. He is sweet, cooperative, loving, and strong. He had a hard start to his life. And while he has come a long, long way since we brought him home from China almost 3 years ago, he still has a long way to go. I think as he matures, we will see a lot of changes in the positive. He tries so hard to please us, that we constantly have to remind him that it is okay to do something wrong. That is how he learns. But that hurdle has been the hardest for him to jump.

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Spring break officially started for us today! We are off all next week. Nothing big planned, but glad to take a break from the early morning for awhile.

**10 points if you know what musical the title of my post is from. Not that you win anything with the points. Except personal victory.

**Cainan is wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins shirt above. Sporting his love for Crosby.

I MAY cook this week, so check back on Monday for Making Meals Monday!