Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Birthday Boy

Today is Mat's birthday.  If you asked him, he would tell you he was 29.
The truth?  He is 38.  38!!  When did 40 suddenly become right around the corner?  Next it will be senior citizen discounts, and being forgiven for saying inappropriate things because you are old.

Today we had just a tiny little party because his parents are coming in this weekend to celebrate with him as well.  I got him the smallest cake on the planet, and stuck a candle in it and we sang.  Kids thought the cake was hysterical.
We gave him his presents, and we had Chipotle for dinner.  He wanted to go out, but we had puppy school, so we couldn't.  Tommorrow night we will go out to eat at his favorite restaurant.  Red Robin.  So.sad.

Mat and I have been together since he was 17.  21 years and I can't imagine spending all that time with anyone else.  He is the best family man, a hard worker, my best friend.
He is also a guy that now shaves his hair short enough to hide the gray hairs.  But that is another story.

How I wish this day was only about happiness with my love and celebrating another healthy wonderful year.  But today always marks something else.  We lost another Matt this day 9 years ago to a car accident that still haunts us every day.  My Godbrother, Matt was killed on his way to student teaching his last year of college.  It happened in an instant and his family, and ours, were changed forever.

There isn't a day I don't miss him.  There isn't a day that I wish he could meet my kids, and his niece and nephew.  I can see him laughing at them and their antics and just being his clever self.  He would give them the world's biggest hugs and mean it with every inch of his body.  They would have never met anyone sweeter.

I hate that this is all we have left of him is memories.  But I know he watches us and watches over us.  When I am particularly down about Finley, I have a chat with him and tell him to help us find the peace we need.  And he does.  I feel it.

And to my Godparents Mary Louise and Chris, who are like parents to me, I hope that over the years our love for them has taken away a little bit of the pain.  I hope they know that we will always keep his memory alive.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" 

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