Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Chinese New Year

Each year, our family celebrates Chinese New Year with Cainan.  It is very low key - we have dinner, get out our few decorations, and buy a book or two about Chinese new year to add to our growing collection.

This year is the year of the dragon.  The kids are excited about that.  This year we are going to have our wonderful new neighbors over to celebrate with us.  It will be so fun.  They have two kids around the age of Finley and Cainan, and our kids all get along great.  It will be nice to sit and chat and relax.

We are going to order Chinese food, Lisa is going to bring some amazing dessert (because she makes amazing food), and we will enjoy having company.  It will be fun.

Cainan is starting to understand about being Chinese.  He has always said it.  He will tell anyone who will listen "I am Chinese!"  "I am from China!"  But I don't really think he got it.  I still don't think he completely understands, but little by little, the light is turning on in his head.  We talked the other day about how he had a mother before me.  This brought one quite a few questions.  He knows he was adopted, but again - what did that mean to him?  Not sure.  He did tell me his missed his first mother.  But again - it wasn't with any kind of real "knowing".  He tells me he misses his toys.  It was kind of the same tone.

But there will be a day where he will express that he misses her.  Or wonders about her.  And that will be okay.  He should wonder.  He should miss her.  My worry lies in when he asks me why she gave him up?  When he is mad at us and asks why he can't go live with her.  What do I tell him?  I don't even know the answer to those questions.  We have our guesses - based on what we know about the Chinese culture.  But we don't know the truth.  And that might be the most frustrating part for him.

He will never know who she is.  The records are burned after a child is adopted.  There is no way to find the children and no way to find the biological family.  How will he take that?  I know many kids won't care.  But what if he does?  What if he wishes more than anything he can find his birth family?  We can't make that happen for him.

We are his family and we are his parents.  We will help him through any difficulties related to adoption that he may go through.  Hopefully he will believe that he was adopted because his birth mother wanted a better life for him that she couldn't give him.  That she gave birth to him, but I am his mom.  I will always be his mom.

1 comment:

jennohara said...

How special to do this for Cainan!! he is so lucky to have you guys.